Enemy VS Competitor @ My Room

1. Do something that I’ve never done before. Write down the experience.
2. What did I learn today?
3. What did I do today that made myself proud?
4. Why did I choose to do that?
5. How has it changed my life?

Reflection: You are my adversity, not my enemy. Try to think about this sentence again and again, I looked at myself and I have to admit that I always treat people around me as an enemy, not the competitor. I should have treated people as reference, a benchmark to see where I stand. I don’t know what am I thinking, evil thought always in my mind that reality is cruel. If you weak, then you will be out of the race. Stronger animal survives in this society as time goes by. There is no room for the weaker one. There are my enemies and I have to beat them to survive. Why am I so pathetic to think it in this way? Instead of trying to find a way to beat them, I neglect of noticing how much I have improved. The Nike Olympic ad is really impactful, “if without them, I am a lesser man”. I need to find my motivation and confidence again. I vividly remember the feeling or eagerness to study during my polytechnic time has gone. The hunger to knowledge is disappeared in university and in turn replaced by a feeling of boredom and scared; scared to close my back door so I can keep on running away, no responsibility attached and burden. Make each everyday counts, but I am counting down every single day with repetition, same routine that make me feel sick of my life.

Today I am staying at home for the whole day. Promised my friends yesterday to meet up with them but I was not show up in the end. At night, when I was sitting beside my mum, looked at her face while she was sleeping at the sofa made me feel that I should spend more time with my mum. I can see she is getting older, and most of her time is devoted to her beloved son, who is complaining everything and even scolding her sometimes. Achieving a balancing is not that hard, fighting my work in weekday and I should have time to spend on weekend, either with her or my friends. This is something I want to do, and I hope I can do it, even though this semester will be a lot busier. Lots of people still cannot find the meaning in life, and I am one of them. For those who find it, they just follow the path, no matter how difficult it is because they are indulged in the challenge, be it the outcome is failure or success, at least they have tried and know how far they can go. What do I want in my life? I never give a serious thought at the moment, and I think it is time to think about it as I constantly searching for a change in my life…

I am able to control my addictness to smoke one stick today. Well~ not really proud of the achievement but I managed to control of not smoking in my room. I was really wanted to smoke while I was writing the journal in my room, but I think I am able to control it right now. I promised myself I will cut down slowly, but not completely. I think I will become a social smoker instead, as I think this is the perfect ice-breaking tool in working life, maybe I am finding the excuse for myself:)