Humble

what does it mean to be humble. I try to search dictionary and find out that humble means "marked by meekness or modesty" in terms of character trait but it can also mean "low or inferior in station or quality". I always have this perception that humble people is always weak, they're not ambitious to achieve success and if the whole society is dominated by all humble people, the society will be very 'fake' as nobody want to show off what they're capable of.

I admit that i am an arrogant person, inside but not outside from my look. I believe this type of person will succeed in life. Of course you are humble to learn from people better than you, but if you are too humble, nobody can see or notice how good you are if you're not showing off.

I kinda confuse with what my coach said. Maybe all my life is just trying to prove something to someone because I just doesnt wanna get neglected. I wanna get attention, I am an attention seeker. I wanna somebody notice my talent, I wanna show to people what I am capable of. And I believe this is the principal that keep me alive until now. I have no idea how to lead other way of life. I may get successful in the future by stepping people on their head and climb all the way to the top stair but is this the life that I want to be??? I have no idea...

does 谦虚 = 虚伪 ？or humble people just wanna keep exploring in learning from something new, instead like me thought I know everything well enough to survive my studies, concluding the whole concept of christianity. How dare am I to conclude this religious matter compared to people who spent their 20 years of research but still not sure to come out a conclusion. How I cannot be humble and try to find out more about this topic? What stop me? Arrogant? Probably it is :(

CHRISTIANITY

I trust myself more than the god. As I think I am the one who hold my own destiny. I can’t hypnotize myself that there is god in this world as I am the man of science. I believe science is the key to explore the nature of world and it is only a matter of time that it gives us evidences and definite facts on how the world came about and why human beings create/need religious thinking. I trusted Darwinism in some parts as I think it is the most satisfying way to explain the evolution of life but it did confuse me that why Darwin cannot be sure about his own work and even said ‘don’t know’ about existence of god before he died. Some people did say god allowed evolution to happen in the first place but I think it contradicted to what the bible wrote. Therefore, my own conclusion based on what I know now is simply that the bible is just the ‘referencing guide’; we need to have some appreciation and understanding as not to follow blindly. I would say maybe bible is not a core of Christianity, maybe it’s just a fairytale, pure, simple book that god passed it to us. There is one part in ‘genesis’, which totally put me in confusing state. God created heaven, earth, mankind and every single life in six days. If you ask me whether dinosaur and human, possibly Adam and Eve are co-exist in some time, I would say it only happened in ‘Flintstone’ cartoon. We are adult and we have the intellectual to choose what to follow based on our own judgment. There are things in bible, which I think it’s not that true in some sense, e.g. the earth is only 6000 years old.

Sorry, I’m just not a person who believes in faith…

Anxious @ PGP

Lol, i have tried a new thing today, go to IKEA to shop for an hour to purchase something for my CCA club. Well~~~ saw a mediacorp star and quite dissatisfied with the whole layout of IKEA, although i consider some of the panels they displayed are really meant for their customer, e.g. a measurement tape, a pencil, note, reusable bag. They even set up an information counter at each department to help people, who are lost like me:( After paying out, there is even a wrapping counter, to wrap up thing without using the plastic bag. I have to admit the idea/design of the whole layout of IKEA is exceptional, as it try to create a one-time shopping experience to the people, and i heard the review of their restaurant is quite good as well.

Projects, tutorials, assignments are piling up now. This Saturday is a D-day, and I will get alot more time after the event.

Frustration @ PGP

Have endured somewhat a frustrating and irritating day. What a unplesant feeling to start off my week. Firstly, met a super rude uncle and i just felt how come there is still such an uneducated person in Singapore. Haizzz, doesnt wanna mention in detail, the more i think about the face of that person, the more i feel frustrated. However, during that particular moment, i suddenly think of god and console myself god will forgive this man, he is just ignorance. Have been keep on listening to 2 jesus songs to make myself calmer. Arrived at school pretty early, and try to surf net to keep on dig in the information about christianity. The more i find, the more i try to stand in the neutral side to view this matter. Hundred of years people are fighting over the issue of religious particularly. If my god exists, then your belief will be nothing. If i am right, then you are wrong, so it is very hard to draw a line between each 'god'. I will not give up in searching more information, and i found out createnism is really an interesting topic, maybe i will try to read the first chapter of the bible, provided i have time:)

"If god said the way you did is wrong, then who judge the god whether he is right or wrong?"

Have done something which i am quite proud of myself today. Manage to keep myself away from spending. I just bought a fan today, although i felt a little but guilty. I learn that I have to control my mind to keep me away from addiction, be it clothes, entertainment or even smoking. Really impress about my friend, who managed to endure the peer pressure, maybe god really lead his path and guide him along the way:) I have to admit peer pressure is something that i was quite hard to resist. Maybe my mental strength is still not strong enough, but this sem i gonna find out how far i can go...

感恩 @ Bro's House

Talked to my mum about joining Christian. Well~~~ thing didnt went well of coz but at least today i tried something that i have never done before. How to turn a superstitious woman into believing in god, gosh i just have to pray but is god really exist? lol i cant even answer this question. I have been flipped through a lot of books to convince myself god do exist, but my innerself still struggle to believe that god made human. Why because Adam and Eve eat the apple, human being is born to carry the sin.Why we human need to bear the mistake that is made by them? During the dying moment in earthquake, e.g. the Haitians pray for their god to save them, why the prayer is not answered? Bible said ever since the universe is born, there will be end of the world, why it wanna create such fear to people? However, i do believe that Darwin is not entirely true in his theory as well. It is just argument, no experiment. For me to accept that human is actually evolve from ape is abit hard to accept the truth. We have feeling, of coz animal do have feeling as well but human being knows what is SHAME. Animal does not know what is shame because it can pee anywhere it wants. If darwin's theory is right, then society will evolve along time as well. By that time, the dispersion between each class will get wider, people who is relatively stronger will dominate and eliminate the weaker one. Allright, i know this is just bullshit~~~ but if darwinism is true, you cant deny that it wont happen in the future.

Went to church today, second time saw my friend is actually singing. Wow, i was touched, although just managed to see his mouth murmuring, without listening to his melody:) While i'm singing, i like the atmosphere, a really warm welcome to make myself at ease. I feel the need for change long long time ago, because i see the better people around. After listening to pastor Darren, i'm not sure whether every Sunday i come to church is to sing, to enjoy the moment of zero stress, or am i really go there to praise the lord? I have no idea, really. Do i really need god to change my life, where are you? somebody please save me...

Enemy VS Competitor @ My Room

1. Do something that I’ve never done before. Write down the experience.
2. What did I learn today?
3. What did I do today that made myself proud?
4. Why did I choose to do that?
5. How has it changed my life?

Reflection: You are my adversity, not my enemy. Try to think about this sentence again and again, I looked at myself and I have to admit that I always treat people around me as an enemy, not the competitor. I should have treated people as reference, a benchmark to see where I stand. I don’t know what am I thinking, evil thought always in my mind that reality is cruel. If you weak, then you will be out of the race. Stronger animal survives in this society as time goes by. There is no room for the weaker one. There are my enemies and I have to beat them to survive. Why am I so pathetic to think it in this way? Instead of trying to find a way to beat them, I neglect of noticing how much I have improved. The Nike Olympic ad is really impactful, “if without them, I am a lesser man”. I need to find my motivation and confidence again. I vividly remember the feeling or eagerness to study during my polytechnic time has gone. The hunger to knowledge is disappeared in university and in turn replaced by a feeling of boredom and scared; scared to close my back door so I can keep on running away, no responsibility attached and burden. Make each everyday counts, but I am counting down every single day with repetition, same routine that make me feel sick of my life.

Today I am staying at home for the whole day. Promised my friends yesterday to meet up with them but I was not show up in the end. At night, when I was sitting beside my mum, looked at her face while she was sleeping at the sofa made me feel that I should spend more time with my mum. I can see she is getting older, and most of her time is devoted to her beloved son, who is complaining everything and even scolding her sometimes. Achieving a balancing is not that hard, fighting my work in weekday and I should have time to spend on weekend, either with her or my friends. This is something I want to do, and I hope I can do it, even though this semester will be a lot busier. Lots of people still cannot find the meaning in life, and I am one of them. For those who find it, they just follow the path, no matter how difficult it is because they are indulged in the challenge, be it the outcome is failure or success, at least they have tried and know how far they can go. What do I want in my life? I never give a serious thought at the moment, and I think it is time to think about it as I constantly searching for a change in my life…

I am able to control my addictness to smoke one stick today. Well~ not really proud of the achievement but I managed to control of not smoking in my room. I was really wanted to smoke while I was writing the journal in my room, but I think I am able to control it right now. I promised myself I will cut down slowly, but not completely. I think I will become a social smoker instead, as I think this is the perfect ice-breaking tool in working life, maybe I am finding the excuse for myself:)

Looking Forward @ NEW PGP room

Hi everyone, long time didnt update my blog. I dont know where to start actually. Just feel like talk about my buddy. Seriously, i am damn sad before coming back to singapore, fooling around with my friends are really enjoying. Dont need to think, worry about my life are just great feeling, but reality check comes really soon, and i have to face my new life now. Well~~ i would say one of the greatest challenges of 2010, NO MORE air-con room. I was kinda pissed-off and sad when i know that i will moving into type C room (abit like labour room), but i think this is the good opportunity for me to grow, move out from my comfort zone, and try to live and mingle around with people. i still havent think of how to spend my unused money, probably travelling will be nice. Went to church this morning with my buddy, he seems abit confused with the direction of his belief now. I might let the god come into my heart but i believe i am not fit to become a real and sincere christian. Maybe it takes time, maybe i need miracle to prove the existance of god. What is god? Creator of life? What is life? I dont even experience it right now. I still remembered the first time i stepped into the church, alot of academic stuff just flowing into my mind. Darwin evolution, scientific proof...It is an interesting topic but i feel it is too large. Why the bible say all human is sin? A look or even a thought on 'something' is already consider a sin? I just feel bible is creating fear to people, something like if you dont do this, do that, u will end up in hell. I think i still need time to think about it before i give myself to god.

EGO @ PGP

Today, i got a reality check from my coach, Chang Liang. He is indeed the most respecful person that i think i met so far in NUS. He taught me everything, showed a way of how to view things in different perspectives. I felt i am been blessed by god (eventhough i dont believe it all the time), that let me meet a guy who is going to change my life.

All right, today coaching was rather simple and he kept short and targeted my struggle. I was bothering by my neighnour over the week, i felt so helpless that i cant do anything to make him quiet. Indeed, i tried my best, like calling the RA, talked to him personally, etc. Well~~~to my surprise, CL gave me another views on this issue, which i initially was struggled to admit and face it. I ALWAYS think i am the considerate person, i always care about others, i will try my best not to disturb people around my side, but in the end, i found it that it was all about me, whether looking good in front of the people or not. Hmm, i have to admit it because it is 'part' of the thinking of mine. I can endure the buses passed by, i can endure the noise in study room/lib but i just cannot endure the noise created by my neighbour. Actually, it was not really a noise and he didnt really talk or laugh so loud. I let the noise come in my thought, i felt so sick about myself. i felt so weak and cant do anything to fix it. I can possibly tell him everyday to keep quiet.

Thanks god, i go through the coaching today. I burst out of tears, i felt so stressful, ironically not by studies, it's by my neighbour. I constantly worry about whether he will make noise later, what if there is noise, what should i do. How come he cannot be considerate about others? And CL told me it's all down with my ego, that i cannot look weak or rather i hate the feeling of being weak. The moment he told me just to accept the 'weak' feeling, i just broke down to tears. That is me, real me and i am so weak at that particular moment. I felt nothing but just suddenly the tears were coming from nowhere. Maybe i was living miserable over the week. Constant worriness is gonna kill me one day.

The reason i knocked his door and asked him to shut up is because i want my fairness back and i want to find a way not to feel weak. So i always want to find solution to cover it or rather SUPPRESS the feeling. Now, i think it this way, even i ask him to keep quiet everyday, one day the noise will still disturb me and i get upset, the feeling of being helpless will definitely haunt me again, UNLESS i totally accept the feeling of being weak, or else i cannot move on. Sp, CL is asking me to feel my own body's feeling (neck down), and slowly one day it will go away. The more i suppress it, the worry i am, the miserable life i have, and the less energy i have coz i spend too much effort in other people's matter, rather than concentrate my own.

I have to say i grow, maybe not much improvement have been made but i have been more awared of my own struggle. I will not blame my mum of making me who i am right now because she doesnt know any better ways to educate her son. I have been telling myseld to be strong and make it a context within my life since i was 11 years old or maybe even younger. It is not about others, it's always about me. Don't take the quiet hour as my weapon because in the end, it's still my own struggle and i have tried everything that i can to persuade him and if he still does it again, i MUST feel the feeling of being weak, accept it and eventually it will go away :) i believe in my coach.

Responsibility @ PJ's House

Yesterday was rather a tiring coaching session. Went through a lot of areas of my inner self and examine it with different perspectives. First, we talked about SEP. I always dream of going to europe, and i really like to apply for this programme. However, i have a lot of considerations in my mind that hold me back, money, family, weather, etc. My coach asked me one thing, which is the most important element that hold myself to go for exchange. Well, to me i regard family as my utmost struggle. I afraid i will miss my home, i scare to be alone...I have bad experience during the overseas attachment back to China. But again, this is struggle, it's supposed to mean to enjoy it rather than avoid it. If i dont act now, things will not happen in the way that i dream of, cycling around the campus, traveling around the central europe, etc. Therefore, i send my application yesterday night, and try to move myself forward to get thing that i really want. Nobody is maing decision for me in this time, i make my own decision. I just sent the application, after i get the placement, then it's time for me to think about the considerations that i worry then i decide whether wanna accpet it or reject it.

Later, we talked about the definition of responsibility. I always think that i am a responsible person, in terms of personality. However, it seems like i was wrong and i was so confused at first that what is the word of responsibility mean. Well~~~ 'ability to respond' is exactly the meaning if i split the word. After the session, i came out with a conclusion that i am responsible but i'm avoiding responsibility because once i take the responsible, i will take control everything and wont let a single detail out of my sight. And because of that, maybe i felt tired and would like to avoid it all the time. For example, i dont care about my family problem, even there is big fight within my parent, i am not the one to solve the problem and rather let my brother to take the lead. I'm avoiding the responsibility, to me this word is too 'huge' and it's too heavy. I'm not even responsible for my studies, never give out my 100% over everything, never feel the feeling of trying my best. I''m giving out my CONTROL. If i fail, i will blame the other lazy me, or rather take the full responsibility of this failure because i never give out my best. If i succced, of coz it's lucky but how long will it last?

If i am responsibility, i have the ability to respond and take control of things that i'm in charge. If something goes wrong, i can fix it before it goes haywire. I'm trying to think of the reason why i become like this, and it could be due to my mum since she is taking care almost everything in my life and i dont have to worry about it. I couldnt blame her since she doted me alot. Again, this is something that her mum didnt teach her, which is letting your child to CHOOSE, or rather decide everything for them. It's really a great lesson as i really re-learn the definition of responsibility, simply 'ability to respond' :)

Lastly, before i forget, we talked about past, present and future. It seems like my coach didnt really think his future as he told me future is actually the present. Look around me, this is what i got, something that i can see, i can touch and i can feel. I can decide what's the next moment that I'll behave as I decide and control my future now. If the next moment i let myself to feel happy, then i will happy. The future that picture in my mind is all down to the work that i do now as i'm working to achieve my future. Reality is cruel, but i have to accept it as this is all i got. I try to run away from it all the time, because the current state is not what i want but there is nothing i can do to change the current self, only i can work now to achieve something that i want in the future. It's time to get out from my unrealistic dream, all the thoughts that i have now is ridiculous and only I know.

All Masters Start With Disaster @ PGP

I would like to sum up of what i have learnt and gained from today's coaching session. It goes really deeper inside my inner self and dig all the problems and struggles that I have encountered in my life. I found it really useful and I think I should give a serious thought about how am I going to live for the rest of my life. Today, we talked about a specific struggle, which I have faced it for the past few years. I am the person who really cant tolerate noise. I am very sensitive to noise and it will easily keep me distracted away from my focus. I tend to listen to their conversation and get into it. We discussed and I found out that it was still due to my arrogant personality. Just that I think my ego is under threat, I do not want to feel weak, being bully or being a lose side, that's why I felt very uncomfortable when something out of my control. I always think that we should fight for our rights and confront with people who are wrong, it makes me feel better because I like the winning feel when I confront with someone that I think I am right in some way and he/she agree with me. However, most of the time, I tend to resist this struggle because I do not want to look bad in front of the people, so I try to tolerate most of the time, until it reaches a point where I cannot endure anymore. The feeling of keeping everything inside me is unbearable. I felt very down, sad and even de-moralising. Then, I just felt very upset and cant concentrate on studies anymore. However, I was told by my coach that it' because I still do not know how to handle my feeling well. If i am mastering of handling my feeling, I can be sad/down, in the same time produce a quality work. That's sound pretty tough job to me, and indeed it requires lots of practise and I firmly believe it. If I can master my feeling, then I will move to another stage in my life, which is unknown now and more importantly, I will lead my life in a happier way. Therefore, now I try to feel happy whenever I feel sad. I know it sounds ridiculous but it seems it is the only way now to help me to handle my feeling. Enjoying your struggle, accepting it instead of resisiting it and it will come to a point where I can grow out of this struggle. The coach gave me a good example:) I am just a baby of learning how to tie my shoelace. It will be a process to make me become the master as it required lots of practise to achieve it. I CAN GROW OUT of this struggle as long as I'm enjoying it. Besides this, he pinched my hand, at first I actually feel abit fired up, but the second time, he asked me to enjoy of being pinched by him, it turned out to be less angry than before. It's strange on how feeling can change in an instant. Moreover, he furthers gave me examples, if you're able to handle your feeling, you will be more clear-headed and you will not act reckless things in impulse. It suddenly reminds me on the accident that I encoutered with my mum when I was in sec 5. I thought it's the person's fault of knocking my mum's car. I did not think for a second and straighaway confronted and even insulted him. When I realised it is actually my mum's fault, felt really guilty and I know I did the wrong thing and it's all due to impulsive reaction. If I can handle my feeling well, the words that come out from my mouth could be different.

When someone talk loudly in lecture, enjoy of being irritated.
When my neighbour makes noise in room, enjoy of being frustrated.
When I am feeling upset or down, enjoy of being at that state.
When I am feeling weak, enjoy of that feeling because I must know that I am not weak all the time.

All these are just your feeling and it makes you 'human'. I can be master to handle it. It is just up to me of how I look at thing in what perspectives. Life is short, if I am keep frustrating, upset, down and de-moralise and it would be pathatic and my life just is just totally screw up.

I AM MYSELF and I handle my feeling !!!

In what areas that I behave arrogant??? @ PGP

I think it would be especially true when it applies to studies. I always think that I will know and understand everything in the end but in fact i kinda lost when it comes to the end:) Maybe i am too arrogant that i'm sure will find my resource to solve my problem. I always knew what is my target, and the amount of effort that i spend will be just enough to achieve my goal. I always underestimate the lecture, lab, and especially tutorial. What i do is just listening to the tutor, copy down the answer, and go back to figure out by myself or asking around. Maybe I was highflying in poly, and indirectly cause the situation to become this way.

Arrogant and confidence is just a thin line within. A person can be confidence but humble. I maybe too arrogant in my studies. Is it really my fault? i dont know. I always thought that i am smart, hmm street-smart, not easily letting people to take advantage on me. However, what is the meaning of arrogant anyway??? i try to google it and it states that

1) Having or displaying a sense of overbearing self-worth or self-importance.
2) Marked by or arising from a feeling or assumption of one's superiority toward others

Hmm, it fits my personality. I always think that i am important. I even used to think that one day the earth might stop because of me. Always placing myself among others, always think that i can achieve big career one day, always think that my self-worth is priceless, always think highly abt myself. Besides this, sometimes i do feel some superiority toward others coz i used to think that i graduated from a low standard primary and secondary education system and i managed to climb all the way to one of the most 'respective' university, and i think it is something that i very proud of. Moreover, the good result that i obtained in poly further instills my arrogancy and i tend to look down on people inside my heart sometimes. And seriously, i do felt guilty and shame about myself too when i did that. Then, my mind will tell me able to speak english and study in a good uni doesn't necessary guarantee you a fortune in future. It is just a key, a key to unlock the potential for the future. There are still alot of peopl out there, who cant speak english, drop out from uni but they are still able to make it in their own way. Therefore, my consciousness will tell my arrogancy that it is wrong to discriminate or look down on people that you 'think' you are superior than them. So thats why it's a battle again between my mind and heart.

Now, i do know that i am arrogant but i will try to keep myself low...

Blessful @ Bro's House

Came back from Sg, felt like a zombie, slept only 3 hours+. When i go back to my home, felt like it was not my home anymore, and it further convince me that i should stay in PGP for my vacation stay. I really cannot adapt well in the new environment. I dont like change because change will mess up my life. However, i was so happy to go to my bro's house, i felt at ease, a least it is home. Even with the absent of my dad, i felt the family is united (my bro, bro in law, and my mum) but thing will certainly change by the next time i come back coz i have to move over to my new home, which i really dislike it. As a child, we do not have choice and we can only follow our parent's will. Whatever they say, we have to say coz we still cannot live independently. We still have to depend on them. Haizzz, there are things that we cannot change, it's a variable :( Btw, i was really happy today, managed to play my long waiting FIFA10 and slacked at my bro's house and do nothing. Lay-back life is really my favourite, but when i think of tomorrow, my excitement straighaway goes to deep down...eventhough next week is e-learning, but the amount of studies that we need to do is double than the normal term.

Whenever you feel sad and down, rmb yr family because they are the only one who really care at you and support you. Whenever you wanan run away from reality, family is always a paradise to have a good vacation. I luv my family
I MUST look forward
midterm is over and final is coming...

Disappointment @ PGP

Haizzz, the conclusion for this week is really like a rollercoaster ride. It made me feel like a human being, with heart to feel. I tend to listen to my heart alot this week, kinda ignoring my thought, which prevent me to do lots of things that i wanna do. I think it will be kinda embrassing to meet her today, try to avoid to see her in the hallway. I even reach the exam hall earlier, just try not to create any embrassment for both of us. There are 200+ students in the modules, and the chances that someone u like sit besides u is less than 5%. Well~~~ god really likes to play joke. Wherever u try to avoid that person, fate will happen in the most natural way. When i step into the hall, i pray so hard not sitting besides her so i can concentrate more on my exam. Haizzz, strange thing really happen in life, we are sitting side by side. However, she did give me a warm smile to clear the embrassment. Throughout the whole period, my mind is keeping switching away from the paper, so i just slap my face and force myself to concentrate on the paper. After the exam, i was quite suprised of my courage, i straightaway go and ask her whether she is free on Tuesday night, maybe we can have a dinner. Well~~~i can straightaway tell from her face expression without knowing the answer. I lose out, completely hopeless. Her answer is i dont know. When a gal is interested in you, no matter what time and where's the place, she will die die go one. Felt so sianz afterward as i realised things had changed, now she knew and the ball is on her court. I cant do anything and maybe i try my best, at least this time i took initiatives. I will still try next week, with my full sincerity and ask her out for dinner, just one time and i will pass her something to show my true heart. No more unrealistic dream and i have to say the reality is cruel sometime. When someone take away your hope, it can kill u in an instant. This year, the moon cake festival will be an unforgetable one, at least today, i felt the pain (almost cry out on way back from vivo in the bus when listening to li hoon's ai cuo) and my heart is broken...

I will look forward next week and i will be fine...

* Yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery and today is the gift
* Girl makes you high higher and gives you low more frequent

Worry & Down @ PGP

Well didnt update for the past 2 days, should update more often. Have been encountered alot of setback today, partly prob midterm. Expected it will be hard to do so not really disappointing with the outcome. Probably can get 10/30. Hmm the really disappointing thing is i got rejected of asking the gal out, i am so stupid that i forgot tml is the latern festival, who will go out for dinner with a stranger??? Haizzz, probably i will ask her out again, definitely got chance:) However, i suddenly felt my shoulder is ligher, things that always appear in my mind had finally vented out. Maybe i should have done that long time ago, i dont know why but felt that me is full with confidence now, coz she probably know that i l**e her so although it might get embrasses when meet her, but thing is already happen and she already know so why should i afraid of now>_< Besides this, learn another thing from myself through coaching. I think i will write another post regarding who am i, felt kinda sleepy now. HUH, at least me now is already facing the truth and the cruel reality.

28/09/2009- Monday night 11.37pm @ PGP

YES! the midterm test for IE2110 is not that tough. Well~ at least i regard it as the easiet midterm test so far:) hmm after that, my whole brain is just thinking about her whether i should ask her for lunch or not, really cant concentrate, alot of scenario pop up, like meeting her outside of SRC dance studio, what should i say, how would she respond? Haizz, but everything vanish as she appeared at YIH afterward, omg i was thinking how come she didnt go for dance class, shit la~~~everything that are having in my mind is useless now. OK nvm, ltr i try to sms her and ask her lo but her bf came and sitted besides her, so suay la!!! I think i better concentrate on my studies now, prob is damn tough, super tough, even i look at the answer also dont understand, jialat la this time, but i will not fail this module, no way i should fail. I have time to turn things around and i believe it in myself as how i manage to pull myself out of MA1505 and EG1109 miseries.

27/09/2009- Sunday night 11.19pm @ PGP

Well~~~ today i talked to her and sit beside her leh, haha. The feeling is shiok but i still dont dare to ask her out for dinner. Hmm, probably i think we still need to get know more with each other then i make the move or else i think it will be rather weird to ask a gal without really 'knowing' each other, aiyo i also dont know what am i talking abt, haha. But i did compliment her dress nicely and pretty today, i suppose all gals like to hear this kind of stuff right??? Hmm but i speak from my heart, no lie! She did look happy and said thank you to me, it was so cool to look at her face in such a close distance, she is just absolutely cuteeeeeee neh >_<

27/09/2009- Saturday midnight 12.40am @ PGP

Camp all day at YIH and come up with one solution. Is studying all day proportional to the amount that you have learned. Really doubt so coz i saw someone who study for 1 hour is more productive that i study for 3 hours. I really really need to review my study method...

Btw, i finally dare to get her hp no although i have it in the first place >_< Well~~~ i think my BP is shooting to 180, my heart is keep pumping and my face is blushing but i was happy coz i have done something that i wish to do it long time ago. I should have asked her out at the same time when i get her no but when i see her bf wallpaper on her hp, i was stoned and back off abit, maybe i should take thing slow, there still have alot of chances next time, anyway she will be my classmate for the next 2 1/2 years. I should stand a chance :)

26/09/2009- Friday midnight 12.21am @ PGP

Today, i really learn alot of new things, knew maybe 5% more abt myself, of coz credit to my coach. Hmm, didnt really know what i fear or worry abt over the past 20+ years, now i have found the root, hmm kinda relieved but sad coz it means i have to face it now. Well~~~ Breathing really helps as it will keep me more focus instead of paying too much attention on my thought. On my way back to PGP, i just keep telling myself it's just my thought, it's just my thought, you can control yr mind man, dont let yr mind control you!!! Haizzz, i just realised also i neglected my beloved heart for too long...Nv listen to him, instead letting my mind won all the 'war'. Besides this, i found it i have been procrastinated at my room for too long, study in YIH is really good choice, or maybe i wanna avoid my noisy neighbour??? hmm i dont know but i think i will try to think it in a good way that i am away from my room and i can be more focus to study in YIH. Ok, back on track. Simplicity, no worry is really good, but can a person do that??? i really doubt so. Maybe he can lead a simple life but totally no worry in his/her life can be kinda hard. I wish i can be like my coach, my good friend, LF, facing adversity with no fear but calm mind. i really need to adjust it, living in worry is really like a hell~~~ i must get rid of it and stay happy!!!

EG1471- Portfolio 5

Ever since the development of brain mapping started, it has become the most contentious topic and always coupled with controversy. People debate and question the ethical issues regarding this latest technology but scientists retort by claiming that it is a necessary move to the advancement of the future. In order to maintain the moral values while not impeding the process of exploring brain mapping, there is a responsibility for researcher to predict and minimize potential unethical abuses of their work.

Firstly, researcher can predict the possible unethical abuses by fully examine and understand the applicability of this brain-mapping technology. It is understood that the research could eventually lead to the use of brain scans to identify thoughts. (A computer that can ‘read’ your mind, n.d.) It can be a serious matter as some industries, secret societies or even countries might use it to retrieve important information from human beings by manipulate their minds. Therefore, it should be regarded as unethical abuses and researcher can predict and study the repercussion of such technology.

Secondly, in order to minimize the potential unethical issues, researcher can first identity the target users and categorized them into different target groups. Then, rules and regulations must be set up to restrict the usage of such technology. For example, according to “Ethics and mapping the brain”, it is understood that brain mapping technology could be a big breakthrough into medical field and assist in crime investigation but it can have a catastrophic effect if it is misused by the users. Therefore, the authority of the use of brain mapping technology should be maintained and governed.

Thirdly, researcher can also implement the brain mapping technology into a particular field and study the side effects first before introduces it to the public and make it profitability. For example, brain mapping could have applications in the study of autism, disorders of thought such as paranoid schizophrenia, and semantic dementias such as Pick’s disease (2008). It might minimize the possible unethical issues by analyzing the impacts of such technology from the medical field before scientists stimulate further research.

In conclusion, it would be an uphill task to control the usage of such technology when it introduces to the public. Therefore, it will be a crucial challenge for researcher to predict and minimize potential unethical abuses of their work and it is up to them to relish it.



Reference
National Science Foundation. (2008, May 30). A computer that can ‘read’ your mind
[Press release 08-091]. Retrieved August 6, 2008, from http://www.nsf.gov/news_summ.jsp?cntn_id=111641&org=olpa&from=news

EG1471- Portfolio 4

Whenever I have to tackle the writing assignment for my engineering subject, I found it quite frustrated and difficult to express my ideas in academic style. Writing for engineering subject requires a lot of technical aspects. If you do not possess a certain amount of knowledge in a particular field or area, it will be difficult to get a head start for your essay because you simply do not know what to write about. Not only that, I always fail to organize and develop my ideas in an academically persuasive manner, which means to organize my assertions into logical and cohesive arguments that will convince the reader. Therefore, it is quite often that my papers end up lacking clear logical flow and unity, not to mention a persuasive linear argument.

Besides this, as it is an academic essay, we need to have reference and the article should be from reputable sources. Browsing through the websites just to find the related topics seems to be a “tiring” and yet rather difficult task to me as it consumes a lot of time.

However, the main difficulty that I have faced in writing for academic essay is the minimum word requirement for each essay and I found it difficult to fulfil it. Lack of understanding in expanding the sentences and do not generate enough ideas could be the reasons behind.

I try to resolve the problems that I have mentioned above by reading more books and newspaper. I memorise every good sentences from the reading materials and apply it when I write essay. I reckon that it is ineffective because I cannot memorize everything if I have to write an essay next time. Therefore, there are still a lot of rooms for improvement, where I need a specific and systematic guidance on how to scaffold my ideas so I can fulfil my writing task in a satisfactory manner. In other words, I believe that by attending EG1471 class plus continuous practice will eventually improve my writing skill.